i hate it when people demand definites. You know, definites. When people ask you "What are you going to do with your life?" "Where are you going to go to for college? ARE you going to college?" "Do you have a boyfriend yet? *wink wink* *nudge nudge*" "Are you getting a paying job?"
i really can't stand that.
yes, I know that in the Bible it says, "Don't live in the gray area" (God's Word, according to the Elizabeth Is Too-Tired To Look It Up translation). Descisions are good. I get that. I know how to make descisions, I pray that they are good decisions, and I make them with finality--no wishy-washy-ness on my part.
but the hardest thing is that somedays, I don't WANT to make definites. I want to stay in my own little world of unformed ideas, hopes, and dreams. I don't want to face the facts that reality twists our plans into things we'd never dreamed of. I don't want it.
but as a teenager becoming an adult, I have to.
i turn seventeen in two weeks. That's a frightening thought. Why? Because in spring of next year, I graduate. A year from now, I'll be preparing to head to college. And if that isn't a definite, I don't know what is.
i've been struggling with several things throughout my teenaged years--self-image, confidence, bitterness, and hurt. I'm proud to say that I've demolished some of those foolish little fears. Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt in public for the first time in a decade. I have the wavering confidence to go up to the young man I like and initiate a conversation, instead of praying that he comes over and lavishes attention upon me. I forgive the people who hurt me, and though I still struggle with bitterness towards certain family members, I can see the leaps and bounds that I have made.
i'm rather happy with the person that I am becoming.
but I'm still a person who doesn't like making definites.