today, I did something I didn't want to do. Something that I needed to do, something that was right for me to do, but something that, with all my stubborn heart, I didn't want to do.
I find that I'm a bit of a miser when it comes to my nights. When something unexpected comes up, if I have the choice, I will stay home, even if my entire family is going out. There's just something sacred about my night-time--it's when I am the most productive, and also the most lazy. If I'm in a "doing" mood, I can write and write and write and then sit back and think "what the heck is this crap?" but at least I wrote. On...ahem...my less driven nights, I can grind out a few episodes of various shows, raid Pinterest, stalk Tumblr, explore YouTube...that sort of thing.
Guess which kind of night happens more often?
I am not a people person. I don't like to be touched. Talking is extremely hard for me, depending upon the mood that I'm in. That's why I love the Internet so much--it allows me to talk, without actually talking. Which, in turn, makes my dislike for talking even worse. It's rather a bitter cycle, actually... When we have guests who don't have children my age, I usually end up hiding back in my room, just because I can't see the point in staying in an environment that drains me for no end purpose. My parents have come to understand this, and I won't go so far as to say that they are okay with it, but they let me do it anyways. And I love them for it.
But when it comes to people outside of my immediate family...it's not that easy.
"Why's Ely not out here? Is she sick? Does she have homework?"
"No...she just doesn't want to be around people right now."
"Oh." *aside* "That's kind of rude..."
I wish I could explain to everyone that, when an introvert goes off on their own, it's not because they're rude or offended. It's because they need to recharge, or they're going to go insane. Loud voices, people talking continuously, crowds of people they don't know well...it's like a giant leech constantly sucking away at us.
I wish I could explain to everyone that, when hugging an introvert, ask first. It's not that we don't like to be hugged--I know plenty of hug loving introverted people--it's just that we liked to be prepared. Do extroverts like being hugged just out of the blue? Can you extroverted peeps give me confirmation on this? I can't fathom it.
I wish I could explain to everyone that, just because an introvert is frowning or looks mad, it doesn't mean they feel that way. You can see their face, but not what's really going through their mind. They're not necessarily mad or upset or feeling anti-social. They're just in their own little world right at that moment. Say their name a few times, give them a second to pull themselves out of their thought puddle, and they'll be with you in a moment.
I wish everyone could know these things. I wish people were more aware of others. I wish I were more aware of others, and less sensitive about myself. That would make a heck of a lot of things easier.
Unfortunately, we all know this:
Life isn't easy.
Now excuse me while I go curl up into a warm cozy burrito of introvertedness and bask in my solitude until tomorrow...when I have to go out into the wilderness again.