Monday, May 12, 2014

what I know now

Bluntly put, I love this song.


(sorry, couldn't come up with any decent segue. Here's a better one for you.)


(I'm even sorrier. It's been a tiring day, and I think I'm  hilarious.)

I first this song a few months ago in an AMV, I believe. Don't remember which AMV or even what anime it was for, but I do remember that the song left an impression on me. Much like Jimmy Eats World's The Middle, it hit me like a baseball bat in a tornado and left me with a headache of inspiration.

These lyrics especially resonated with me.

You can see there if you catch her eye,
I know she's brave but it's trapped inside,
Scared to talk but she don't know why.
As a kid/child/young teenager, I talked a lot about trivial things. But I was scared to talk about the things most important to me. And most of the time, I didn't know why. What I wanted to say was what pressed strongly on my heart, and I guess I was afraid of getting laughed at for what I was thinking. Which is a stupid fear, but it's a very real fear. And it's taken years to get over it. I'm still not recovered. I may never be.

What would you go back and tell your younger self? We all have something we would want to say, I know. I, personally, would want to go back and give my younger teenaged self a kick in the pants. "Don't worry so much. Smile at the camera more. Don't mind it when people tease you for changing. You're going to be okay. Don't collapse when the status quo changes--in less than a year, you're going to meet new people, make new friends, step out of your comfort zone like you've never been afraid...all those things are going to happen to you. Share your heart more; not doing so ends up getting your hear hurt. And most of all, you're gonna be okay. And it's going to be amazing."

This so much more that I could say. That I wish I could say. But I guess since time-travel hasn't been invented yet, I'll take these words to myself and remember it for the future. For when I see others struggling with the same things that I struggled with, and for when I may need it again.

Because, someday, this version of me will be my "Little Me." And I will have even more that I want to tell myself.


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the best way to make me smile is to comment. or to send me a basket full of kittens and dark chocolate. whatever works for you.