Friday, September 12, 2014

{how to live: a girl like me}

I don't know about you, but the age of fourteen to fifteen was one of the hardest times of my life. Not just because I was just coming out of the awkward preteen stage and still figuring out who exactly I was, but because I felt oh so alone. I had friends--I had lots of friends--but I didn't feel comfortable talking to them. I thought my best friend was getting tired of me. I was going through some very difficult family issues at the time--and while some of the things happening I wasn't allowed to talk about, the rest of it I just didn't think they would want to hear about it or that they would even understand, seeing how they'd never experience something like this. I felt alone and scared and broken and I didn't know what to do.

Nowadays, I'm better. Not perfect, but better. I have friends who will listen to me rant--and who I return the favour toward, I have a better grasp on understanding when people do something without meaning it, and I have a better relationship with God. The road to "grow up" is never easy, and I am by no means finished, but getting out of that spot in my life helped me understand that I will make it through whatever comes across my path.

But you see--there's this girl I know. I've met her only a handful of times. I may never meet her again. I'm friends with her on several different social medias, and she is truly a sweet girl. A little awkward at times, but she has a good heart. She's pretty even if she thinks she isn't, has a beautiful smile, and is determined  and creative. She's a little on the nerdy side of life, but that's just the way she is. And the more I look at her, the more I see myself.


She told me several times that she felt rejected from the group. That she felt awkward just standing there while everybody else was getting close and having fun. When I or someone else complimented her on her clothes or her hair, she would quickly laugh and say, "Thanks," but you could tell she thought you didn't mean it. Every time someone would approach her to do something, she'd get all excited and happy in the moment, but the next time they came around picked someone else, she'd deflated all over again.


Watching her is like watching me all over again. And at the beginning, it hurt so so much.

I didn't like remembering that time. Heck, if I could, I'd forget it all! But as I watched her struggle and withdraw, it only made me want to pull her back in again.

To call her to join the game that we were playing.
To sit down with her at lunch.
To smile at her randomly.
To sit and talk with her.

These are not things I normally do. I wish I could do them easily, but they are hard and honestly, I forget to be friendly and welcoming sometimes. But with this girl...I felt like I had to do them. Not because I felt pity for her--heavens no--but because I didn't want to make another human being feel rejected like I had.

Like I said, I may never meet this girl again, but last week, she told me I was one of her favourite people and that I had done so much for her. That she loved me.

And I don't know about you, but that made it all worth it. All the awkward moments when we were sitting together and neither one of us knew what to talk about. All the times when I had to step out of my comfort zone and hug her. It was totally worth it.


And I guess what I want to finish with is this: if there is anyone in your life that you see falling down the same hard road as you were in the past, please be there for them. You of all people know what it's like--don't let them do it alone. Because--contrary to popular belief--alone does not keep us safe. We are such stupid people for not realizing this after all these years. So find that person or those people who need you right now. Who need you to send them a little note in the mail, saying that you appreciate them and hope they have a good week. Who need to you give them surprise hugs. Who need you to be the big brother or sister that they never got to have. Who need you to pray for them. Who need you to include them. Who need you to love them.


Be there for them. Love them. Include them.

For both their sake, and yours.

3 comments:

  1. I needed this reminder a lot tonight. Thank you.

    You see, there is someone I know who is just like you described. And I always tried to be there for her, even though she secluded herself a lot. I eventually got her to open up to me. A few weeks ago I was at her house and I wanted to see her room for the first time. And I found a picture of us on her wall, and something was scribbled on it. It read "you're the bestest friend I've ever had."
    I nearly cried.
    She's been in a rough place. Really rough. and two weeks ago she started saying some things that scared me, and I told her family. I told her she needed to get help. I told her the truth. And she told me she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again.

    It was awkward the first time I saw her. But she talked to me a bit last week. I think she'll come around. I've been giving her space but I think it's time that I say something. I'll take this as God giving the green light.

    Thank you for this<3

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  2. Ely, this is a lovely post <3 I sometimes feel like my friends are tired of me/I bore them/people are mostly only being nice to me, but I guess you have to step back and think: do I ever think that about any of my friends? And the answer is "no!", which I suppose goes to show that they're not thinking that about you either, but also that they might be thinking that you're judging them in the same way, which is why it's so important to let others know that they matter to you, that they're people who you want to talk to, who you like, who you love. And also, more than anything, our identity is not in what others think of us but in Jesus.

    Also, I nominated you for the Liebster award, if you don't want to do it again no problem :)
    http://wishingiwasnorthern.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/liebsterified.html

    ReplyDelete

the best way to make me smile is to comment. or to send me a basket full of kittens and dark chocolate. whatever works for you.