Thursday, December 3, 2015

{how to live | this is the story of how I lived}

i'm so sorry.


this  blog kinda got left in the dust for a week and then some. and not for very valid reasons, I must say. In the past, I took unexplained hiatuses because of new meds screwing with my brain, creative block, homework and social life swamping me, emotional issues going on...even last year during NaNo I had a very good reason to go AWOL, and that was because my computer died, I got bedbugs, and was diagnosed with Celiac disease.
just a day in the life of me, y'know

the irony is that, since the post telling that unfortunate story was titled "this is the story of how I died," this post is called "this is the story of how I lived."

because, ladies and gentlemen, I am living.


and it's weirding the crap out of me.

I feel really good. Like, to the point that I almost can't recognize myself good. I'm happy--not 24/7, but a lot more than I was just a month ago. I have absurd amounts of energy. I can't sit on the couch all day and then need ten hours of sleep to keep me functioning as a human being. I have to get off my rear and work out or go into town or go on a walk.

literally me every day at 7am. I can't sleep much longer

and that's something I haven't needed to do in about a year.

when I left, I was in the middle of a HUGE diet change. I'm still eating veggies, meat, and fruit--and that's about it. I'm still taking the gabapentin, which means little to no pain at all. My doctor is very happy with my progress.

I kind of don't know what to do with myself.


Even my family notices the change. At the dinner table, I'm not this blob of pain and nausea. I have a sense of humor now--and to be honest, I'm probably more obnoxious now. (my sister and I have jam sessions to these BTS songs while cleaning the table and my family just sighs).



I actually have a personality now.

I swear this is me...I try to be cool but the real me comes out

Needless to say, these are all very good things. So why wasn't I posting as I was "recovering" like this, sharing the good news?

I honestly don't know. maybe it was because I wanted to focus on actually spending time with my family now.  maybe it was because I wanted to focus on nano (haha...yeah, we'll get to that). maybe it was because I didn't want to be blogging when I could be outside playing basketball (which I've done like three times a week this November and I am so happy about this).


deep down, I think it was because I needed to get to know myself again.


writing is hard. especially when you've been dealing with chronic pain. your brain is a crowded place to begin with, and when you're trying to squeeze words out onto the page, it doesn't always translate. every time I would sit down to write, my thoughts would scramble into something that just didn't feel right. and you know me, I like to be a perfectionist. it's futile, I know, but it makes me feel good on the inside.


anyways, I didn't blog because I was learning how to be myself again. I sketched lyric art a lot, something I loved to do before I couldn't hold pencils very well. like I said, I play basketball often. I go to the library or to Bible Study or to church (!!!! this summer I went months without going to church because I was so sick. I missed it a lot.) I enjoy waking up and not feeling like death. I got a cat (and finally named him Finn after him not having a name for two weeks because commitment issues), and I'm working on putting the finishing touches on my room. I'm to the point where I want to volunteer at the library or babysit for people or something.

I want to do things and not just spend a lot of time on the internet.


(not that I haven't been doing a ton of that...tumblr and kpop and I have been a lot closer these past two weeks...)

also i apologize for the amount of yoongi gifs. I kinda became min yoongi trash over the past month

I can also feel my creative brain coming back. I have post ideas. I am able to memorize things again (thank goodness!) and I've come up with some lovely plot bunnies as well.

unfortunately, a crucial part of nano fell smack dab in the time when I was figuring myself out the most.

and the flow got screwy.

you guys know I love the great ones. it's my baby. it means a lot to me, and I have a lot I want to say through it. unfortunately...it's hard to write what needs to be said when I'm so darn...happy all the time.


I got to 20k and my steam fizzled.

wait. that's not right. I still have steam. I have a lot of ideas and I'm working hard on editing even when I'm not writing. I just didn't have the right words for the great ones at that point in time.


So let it be said--NaNoWriMo 2015 is not meant for Ely and the great ones.

I'm still writing. I'm going to be blogging at least twice a week, and I'm expanding one of my ideas into a bigger thought (it's still in the pinterest stage, though). And as always, I'm thinking and dreaming about the great ones and the general, compiling all my ideas and hopes for this novel.


Who knows? maybe December will be the right time. but I do know that November sure wasn't.


and after much arguing with myself and conflict, I am okay with this.


so this is my official "your blogger who's been more than a little wonky over the past year and a half is finally coming back" notice. yay, welcome back me!!!!

*gives into the cat playing on my desk because he's adorable*


see y'all soon!

just kidding I love you all

11 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you, I'm glad your living and loving life.You are so pretty and I want your cat! I hope life continues to go good for you.

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  2. Ermahgersh, Finn is absolutely adorable.

    I'm so soooo thrilled that you're finally FINALLY starting to feel alive again. I don't want to just say it's the new diet, but I do think that's a majorly huge part of it... God working through paleo to help you get healed from this illness, because... maybe it's just time for you to get better. From a perspective of having read your blog as you've gone through it over the years, I know God has taught you some incredible things and matured you in your faith through it. So, perhaps now God is saying you're ready to move on into a new stage of life, in which you'll learn different incredible things and you'll be matured in different ways.

    Anyway, just wanted to celebrate with ya and say how excited I am to hear you're feeling good. ^_^

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    1. isn't he though?? I love him to bits.

      wow you summed it up so well! God has used this whole crazy experience to show me so much, and while it sucked, I'm really thankful he did. I'm excited to see the rest of what he's got in plan for me as life progresses! :)

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  3. Welcome back! *offers hugs*
    I'm so glad you're feeling great -- isn't that just the best feeling?

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    Replies
    1. *accepts hug* thank you!!!
      it is SUCH a good feeling. I feel kinda like I'm walking on clouds. It's that crazy.

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  4. yay yay yay!!!! Im so happy you're feeling good! awwww :) yay! My friend is happy again! that makes me happy.

    I pray that you'll keep feeling this great and that you'll be able to get progress done on the great ones.

    Im just very excited for you.

    Welcome back love <3

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    Replies
    1. you make me smile so big, you know that right? I'm so thankful God put you in my life. :)

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  5. I'm so glad you're feeling better and you're writing and blogging again. AND KITTY! I love kitties so much. ^ ^

    storitorigrace.blogspot.com

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  6. What a lovely post. Happy new year, Ely! I'm so happy to be reading your wonderful blog again (I'm doing a biiig catch-up right now) as I have been too frantically busy for much internet-ing. (Apart from Pinterest. I always manage to end up on Pinterest, I guess because it requires no commitment or accountability and therefore is ... easier to commit to??)

    I'm so so so SO glad you're feeling better! It's so awesome to read about! You must be so relieved and thankful! Isn't it amazing what God can do?!

    OK, I'm going for dinner, but happy new year again my dear!

    PS I love that Wilde quote more than life ... !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. omg same about the Pinterest thing...I have so much time for Pinteresting or scrolling through tumblr, but when it comes to blogging/commenting on other blogs, I procrastinate so bad...

      it really is! and even when my pain comes back (the problem with fibromyalgia is that stress basically turns you into a giant ball of pain, and the holidays definitely are stressful), things are so much better now than it was three months ago--I can't even compare the two. I'm so thankful that God is helping me through all of this--I don't know where I'd be without him.

      Happy 2016!!! :)

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the best way to make me smile is to comment. or to send me a basket full of kittens and dark chocolate. whatever works for you.