drifters

I've drifted a time or two. Not the Pacific Rim kind of drift, but the oddball out, bouncing between clusters of friends drift. I've been blessed to have had 3 very amazing best friends since birth (literally), but you see, the thing is that we never really were a part of any "group" of friends. We honestly looked down on that sort of nonsense, or at least I did. We had each other, and that was all we needed, right?

wrong.

everyone fights with their friends. It might not be a huge, ground-shaking fight where you completely stop talking to each other, but friends always have times when they're just not completely happy with each other. And that's okay. That's natural. I've been there several times--for stupid reasons, for important reasons, and sometimes just because I felt like I was growing up and needing to branch out a little.

But my issue always ended with the fact that I would latch onto one singular person and expect them to devote their attention to me, just like I was devoting my attention to them. As a introvert, I had a hard time dealing with that ornery group concept. Cliques were my enemy. I honestly hated my homeschool group because I felt like it was one giant clique and me and my best friends were the only 4 left out of the group. "That's so exclusive," I thought to myself.

Didn't do a thing about it. Shut everyone out who tried to be friendly for a while too. I didn't need people in my life. I had my best friends.


talk about exclusive, huh...

Needless to say, when the bombshell exploded, it was a good thing. I hurt, and I'm sure my friends hurt too, but it was a very good thing. Why? Because it woke me up to one very important fact.

You absolutely cannot get through life having only one group of friends.

After everything got switched up, I felt really lost. What could I do? It felt weird doing my ordinary activities with my friends because that person would be there and I didn't want to make it awkward for either of us. But what could I do? I'd already pretty much isolated myself from all the potential friends over the years; I couldn't just barge into a group and make a place there, right?

also wrong.

I couldn't barge in. Others had to let me in.



It all started with a simple invitation. Several invitations, actually. "Hey, you should come to this meeting!" "Hey, wanna go see a movie with me and some of my friends?" "Hey, you should totally volunteer at here--it'll be great fun." I dragged my feet, just for show, and for the first few times, I sat in my corner and didn't say a word, just smiled...because that's what introverts do, right? But slowly...after more and more events that I attended...my smile started getting bigger. My words started getting larger and louder. And I started to feel comfortable being myself around those people.

Miracles do happen.



Now, I still count those friends since birth as some of my closest friends. But I don't know if they all qualify as my best friends now. You see, sitting in a stagnant relationship, where there's little to no movement, no branching out...it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's also not good. Going out and making new friends opened my eyes to the fact that yes, you can meet new people who quickly become close and maybe even your best friends in a matter of weeks. You don't have to be in a group. You don't have to be exclusive. Having friends all over the place, from different backgrounds, religions, towns, countries...whatever...It's all good. And it's a growing experience.

Because boy did I grow.

So I guess what I want to say is that you shouldn't be afraid of drifting. It feels rough while you're in that in-between phase, but please please please don't give up. I made it out, and so can you. Just don't give up.



Thank you so much to those people who reached out to me and shoved me into things that I didn't necessarily want but definitely needed. Thank you so so much. You probably saved my life, and you didn't even know it. So thank you.


Comments

  1. Count it all JOY my brothers when you face trials of various kinds
    . . . . . you are living this out love.

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  2. Great post, Ely. Really, you can't always be best friends with the people you used to, since both of you can change so much, and like you said, "drift" around to different friend groups, move, etc. I've moved several times to very different places, and when I come back for a visit to see my old friends, so much has changed -- and not only the distance between us -- but our personality, likes/dislikes, friend group, that I find it was actually for the best that we parted ways. It's sad and hard, but sometimes it really is for the best. :) (Sorry for rambling hahah)

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