feels

I haven't written this post yet because of feels.

And oddly enough, these feels come from real life.

Usually and ironically, the feelings that overwhelm me the most come from works of fiction, TV shows, and good movies. This time, however, these feelings are from something that really actually happened to me. Something I'd never experienced before. Something I never want to stop experiencing.

I'm talking about camp.

Two weeks at God's Mountain Camp really changed my life, guys. I'd never been a leader/counselor at a camp. Heck, I'd never even been a camper at a camp. I spent two weeks with people I'd barely met, with practically no communication with my family, with my usual concerns, priorities, and habits all flipped around.

It was what you would call a learning experience.

The day I left home, I felt very apprehensive about all of it. Could I survive that long without seeing my parents, my sister, my brother? And yet, when we drove the hill to the Mountain (because in Missouri, mountains pretty much ARE hills...) and I saw the roof of the dining hall, the camp office, the unfinished lodge construction...it struck me just how much I'd missed that place. How much I felt at home there. And I don't think anyone can understand the signifigance of this. I don't feel at home anywhere. I'm the girl who still gets homesick for my home of 12 years. And yet...I feel comfortable and safe at the Mountain.

And I knew God was going to amazing things.

And honestly, he did. I can't put into words how much these past two weeks mean. I'm still too overwhelmed. All the good things shine like polished stars, all the bad things stick me in the side like thorns. Yes, there were bad things. Nothing is ever completely wonderful. I have so so so many regrets. I wish I had said yes more than I had said no. I wish I'd focused less on myself someday and more on the others around me. I wish I listened better at some points. For once in my life, I wish I were a little less of an introvert and had more people endurance. I felt really bad at the end of my two weeks, because I was pretty much done with people...and yet, I still had so much more I wanted and needed to do with these girls.

Josiah, the camp director at God's Mountain, told all of us leaders over and over to not let camp just be something we get through. I heard him say it so many times that I almost stopped listening. But I'm so grateful that when I needed it most, I started to listen again and it struck me like a hammer to the head. Camp is one very important thing to not let be something that we just get through. Life is another. Faith, also. Family. Love. So many things that many people (including myself) just get through. "Just another day," I would sometimes catch myself thinking, "and it'll be one day closer til I go home."

Shame on me.

Yes, I can want to go home. I can count down all I want to go home.

But NEVER should I let that be the number one thing in my mind.

And I'm so very thankful that Josiah kept reminding me of this, because it kept my focus sharp on the work that I was doing. And though I did want to go home, though I was happy to get into my car and drive the 3 hours home...every ounce of me wanted to stay another week. Another 5 days of working kids. Another 5 days of little sleep in a hard bunkbed. Another five days of fellowship with God's people. Another 5 days of learning more about myself and about my Jesus.

I got to see so many amazing things at camp these past two weeks. I got to see a deaf boy do Bible Quizzing--I've seen a lot of quizzers in my career of quizzing, but I'd never seen someone as happy to quiz as him before. I got to see the somewhat brash and loudmouthed girl in my cabin stand up for the lonely one. I got see adorable little kids dancing around and goofing off to the Interlude (which, by the way, is more fun that I ever imagined it would be). I got to hear a girl's very first prayer ever. I got to talk to some people in great need of a greater love. I got make some incredible friends that I would never have even met if I hadn't gone to camp. I got to sit and pray for five very special girls who made the biggest, the hardest, and the greatest decision of their life while at camp: to follow Jesus.

It was too amazing for my mind to wrap around it.

I can't wait to go back.

I'm counting down the days til I get to go back.

Thank you, Jesus, for such an incredible opportunity. Never would've chosen to do something like this without you shoving it right in front of my face and practically shouting "You need to do this!" right at me. Thank you for that.

Thank you so much.


Comments

  1. Wow -- it sounds like you had an amazing time as a counselor! God used you in some incredible ways for sure. I was encouraged just reading about your experiences... thanks so much for sharing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was wonderful to hear. It makes me so glad that you got to experience so much of God's goodness. Thank you for sharing it with us! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sounds like that was a really encouraging trip for you. ;) I used to love going to camps...I was only ever a camper, but it was always a really sweet time. 2 weeks would be too much for me, I think. 4 days was quite enough! lol Thanks for stopping by @ Notebook Sisters!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

the best way to make me smile is to comment. or to send me a basket full of kittens and dark chocolate. whatever works for you.

Popular Posts