week by week #11 // much reading, much driving

I feel like I've been everywhere this week, which I know is a crazy statement for little boring me to make.

but it's kinda sorta true.

wednesday I went to visit my brother and his family, which was a two hour drive. I got baby giggles, ice cream, and sibling time out of it, but that was the longest I've ever driven since I got really sick. it was kinda a big deal. yeah, when I got home on Thursday I was a giant mess of pain, but I did it. and it was totally worth it. yesterday, after going to KC for a Bible Quizzing events, I'm significantly more tired and in pain, so I think I'll avoid long car trips for a few days, but I was still proud of myself for going and not sobbing on the floor like a two year old (which is what I felt like doing...)

when I wasn't gallivanting all over the place I was either in my room or at the library. the library has become my get out of the house and be somewhat social go to. yeah, I know a library isn't like going to a party or something, but libraries are right up my alley and it's not just because of the books. large amounts of people have always given me anxiety. I've gotten a lot better, but when I'm tired or not feeling well, I tend to be more uptight. the library is perfect because it's got people, but they're not all headed the same place at once. they're spread out. and for goodness' sake, it's quiet. that's my favourite part. I can just take my book or my laptop and sit and I don't feel like my head is going to explode (yes, that is what sensory overload does to you...it sucks...) so yeah. I spent about four hours there on Friday and it was glorious.

I wrote some this week, but mostly focused on storyboarding and editing. fun stuff. not really. but kinda. I'm loving the middle sequence of my novel a lot more now, because that was the weakest part in the first draft. the dialogue and the character development was lovely, but the plot limped along. I'm glad to have found an answer to that problem.

as you all know, I love reading about mental illness. correction: I love reading well-written and accurate books about mental illness. I've read about five books dealing with that subject in the last two or three weeks...and I have a confession to make. as much as I love it, I needed a break. so when I holed away in the library, I found some contemporary fluffy books to read.

confession: I am not above reading chick lit. judge me as you will.

the first book I read thinking it was a fluffy read turned out to anything but--and it dealt with mental health issues. I can't escape it! Say What You Will focuses on the stories of Amy, who aspires to be normal but her cerebral palsy holds her back, and Matt, who suffers from OCD and denies it vehemently. Overall, the whole book was a roller coaster of emotions and miscommunication and was very similar to being a soap opera... (especially with *highlight spoiler* the baby plot line...okay, I get that was what was supposed to bring the two of them back together, even if it wasn't Matt's baby, but it was just kind of weird and very forced in my opinion).

still, even though it had flaws, I appreciated the honesty of the book. I mentioned in my The Rest of Us Just Live Here review that I appreciate accurate portrayals of obsessive compulsive disorders and not OCD being made into a social fad or joke (it kills me that I used to jokingly call my sister's orderliness OCD. *facepalms in the general direction of younger me*). Matt's problems are not watered down at all. His thought patterns hurt too. you see the brutality of this disorder in everything that he does...and then you see that over time, with a lot of help and strength and patience, it can get better. it's not a simple and easy cure, and it may never go away, but it has that possibility. and I love how they showed that. Especially the scene with Matt and Taylor. he knew it would cause another worry, another compulsion...but he was strong enough to do it.

yikes that was long. the other two books I read in my "recover from my emotions being torn to pieces by books about sad kids" phase were very meh, and I didn't expect them to be anything but. actually, that's a lie. I hoped that What I Thought Was True would be better, because I really loved My Life Next Door, both of which are written by Huntley Fitzpatrick, but sadly it was all over the place and I didn't understand the protagonist at all. I honestly forgot her name halfway through the book, and I don't think it was because of the fibro fog.

the second book has the worst title ever, because I don't think it accurately portrays what the book is about, and The Fill-In Boyfriend just sounds awkward and cheesy. honestly, I liked this book, despite its many cliches and tropes. Gia is so focused on keeping her perfect image in front of her crowd of friends that when her boyfriend breaks up with her right before prom, she asks the guy waiting for his sister in the parking lot to be her fake boyfriend. the lie tangles into a huge mess, and before long, Gia's image is falling apart...and the weird thing is that she's okay with it. although it's a plot that I'm very familiar with, the perfect family with the perfect daughter with the perfect life embracing her uniqueness and expressing her emotions instead of bottling them away is always a story I love. I don't know why. maybe I just appreciate people living as individuals who make mistakes and own up to them instead of trying to achieve this impossible standard of "normality."

needless to say, I think I'm all filled up on girly books for a week or two. depending how many books make me emotionally drained.

I found out last night that I won an ARC of I Crawl Through It, by A.S. King. so there will be emotions. many emotions.

music-wise, I'm still extremely in love with BTS, and I'm a little stressed because they're supposed to come back soon and their management company has been extremely quiet on the matter... but basically if I want a dance party, I turn on Bangtan Boys and life is good again. also, this song has been constantly playing (which I'll talk more about below...)

I have a problem. I admit it. you all probably know that I love kdramas. if you know me very well, you probably know that You're Beautiful was one of my first dramas ever and it starts my long love for Jang Keun Suk and Park Shin Hye (and don't even get me started on Hongki. I love Hongki so much. seriously. watch Modern Farmer. actually don't. unless you're prepared for weirdness.)

but recently I discovered a Taiwanese drama that reminded me so much of You're Beautiful in all of its cheesy, awkward glory that I basically watched half of the show in one night. yes, I have a problem. but it cracks me up and sends me back to the good old days of drama--but without having to deal with rotten camera quality. despite being very cheesy and veeeeeeery trope-filled, it's a beautifully shot show. much better than You're Beautiful in that regard.

part of the reason why I got so invested in this show is because I am in the middle of watching Sassy Go Go, which is proving to be more emotionally investing than I originally thought. episode 4 basically made me cry, and that's very impressive for a kdrama to do that do me. I recommend this one highly--but just fyi, trigger warning. Self-harm, suicide, and depression are topics that are very important in this show and one students suicide attempt is shown in episode 2. It's not dark or sad to the level that I feel drained after every episode (*eyes Angry Mom tearfully*), but it's such an even mixture of happy and sad and cute and emotional that I can't get enough of it. and it has some very good actors. seriously. here's a link to watch it.  (clicky. you know you want to.) you will not regret it.

what's my plan for the upcoming week?
  • read. read. read.
  • get outside in nature before the ice comes. *shivers*
  • nano prep
  • go visit my school friends
  • finally write my review of the Scorch Trials
  • try not to cry over Sassy Go Go
  • and maybe do some painting. I haven't painted in forever. that needs to change.
what are you guys planning on doing this week?


  1. I don't like driving just because I don't. I cant imagine if it actually caused me physical pain afterwards, good for you for sticking it through anyways. I love how you don't let anything hold you back.

    1. I get the disliking driving. when I was first learning, I hated it sooooooo much. I was certain death was looming over me the whole time I was on the road. after having to drive between school and home so much, I'm a lot more comfortable, but I still hate driving on bigger busier roads, or going to places I've never been (curse you, maps...)

  2. Aww lovely :)
    I love your blogs. and I love you!

    For me this week, I'm writing an essay, NaNo prep as well, and all of the play rehearsals. also, planning on inviting a friend to church. (yikes.)
    so yay life.

    1. ooooooh that's exciting! I hope that your friend enjoys your church and keeps on going! I'll be praying for you, love. <3 yay life indeed!

  3. Yikessss busy weeks are the worst. Also, driving. Lots of things are the worst apparently. xD I totally understand your thing about the library, too! Mine is a five minute bike ride away from my house so I basically go there all the time and hide and do schoolwork. ALSO I SEE THAT YOU KNOW WHAT BIBLE QUIZZING IS. Which excites me (obviously) because my family is super into that and a big part of that and pretty much no one knows what it is. So. *flails*

  4. Ugh I hate driving so much. XD After an hour straight I'm so done. With friends I don't mind as much, but alone ewwwwwww. I'm glad you had a good time with your brother though. ^ ^ I haven't read too many books on mental disorders since I'm not usually a contemporary fan, but the one you mentioned sounds interesting. Good luck on prep for NaNo! This week I'm working on finishing up a 20K extension of a book and I'm going to a Pumpkin Patch/Corn Maze farm with my Kung Fu group this weekend. ^ ^



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