starting sparks : all I can do is run

you should check out Emily's blog and this great link up~~

the steady beat of her feet beneath her reassured her that everything would be alright in the end, if she just kept running. the cold January wind nipped at her exposed skin, but Jade had griped at her to put on a coat before she left, so she gritted her teeth and ignored the cold.

it wasn't in Riley's nature to follow anyone, especially her aunt.

no one was out at this time of morning, which was part of why she chose to run so early. no pitying neighbours could stop and stare at the sad little girl who lost her mother. if they watched from their windows, she never wanted to know. a spotlight shone on their home since November, and she would do anything to escape it. the only thing she had left was running.

so she ran. she ran like she was never going to stop.

the first week after Jade moved in, she started running. snow was falling, but she pulled on her running shoes and bolted from that desperate, angry house as fast as she could. Jade screamed after her, using Linds like some sort of bargaining piece, but Riley kept going. if she'd been a weaker person, she never would've come back. She dreamed about packing her bags and disappearing before Jade broke her completely, but there was always a twinge in her chest when the thoughts became more than just idle dreaming. Linds. She was a bargaining piece. She could never leave her baby sister behind. Not like her mom did to her.

so the only way out was to run until the world sorted itself out.

"Would it kill you to give the sun back?" she muttered at the sky, speaking to no one in particular. her eyes had been gray since November, and so had the sky. sunshine was a whistfully warm memory. Riley couldn't remember the last time she'd seen blue skies and white clouds. a part of her wondered if she ever would again.

don't think things like that, she reprimanded herself. that's why you're running.

she gritted her teeth and sped up, ignoring the searing pain in her thighs and shins. The wind tore at her, pulling her every which way, and tears sprung in the corners of her eyes. she blinked them away. it was the only cold and she was just tired, she couldn't cry. she had to be strong, even if no one was watching.

"Are you watching?" she asked the sky, biting her lip. the ground grew icy underfoot, and she slipped before steadying herself. "Do you even care about us now? Because it feels like you were never here." 

she hated the house. it was too empty and too full at the same time. fading memories crowded the corners of the rooms, but every where she went, a chill followed. the only one who made it go away was Linds. Riley held tight to her sister whenever she could, despite Jade's frustrated griping that she was making the child clingy. she just didn't want her little sister--she was still a baby, practically--to feel that lonely chill. to feel alone in a house full of what used to be happiness.

"What did I do to deserve this?" she shouted suddenly, her feet skidding a little. The sky remained impassive. "I know the universe doesn't work that way, but there has to be a reason for this."

there was. she just didn't want to look it in the eyes. that's why she took down the mirror in her room. she avoided reflections. even Jade noticed how she flinched when she walked by store windows and mirrors. she couldn't stand to look at herself.

because it was all her fault.

she blinked more tears away, but they flooded her vision before she could stop them. an ice patch found her worn soles, and her feet slid out from under her. her head landed on the pavement with a crack.

she didn't feel a thing.

twin tears slipped down the side of her face as she looked up at the blank and unfeeling sky. "it's okay if I'm the problem," she whimpered, balling her fingers tight into fists. "but that doesn't mean you should leave me. us. without you, I'm lost."

please, she begged silently, loosing herself to the pent up sobs, please, somebody stop me...

I am now a very sad potato because of writing this...I just want her to be happy now... *cries a little* hopefully I'll be doing a few more "behind the scenes" snippets like this. *crosses fingers that they won't all be angsty and sad* by the way, this snippet is inspired by this song, because the lyrics give me a bunch of feels while being a total jam. 



    First up my friend THANK YOU for linking up, you are v awesome. I can't tell you how happy I was to open up Blogger and see this post right at the top of my feed. (Got to admit, I had moment like "starting sparks what's starting sparks, I recognise that name, does Ely have a feature called starting sparks, like she does her 'how to live' posts? WAIT NO HOLY COW THAT'S MY LINK UP!) But yes thank youuu!!

    Secondly this story is beautiful! Is Riley from great ones? (The girl who Matt meets by the boat? Is that right?) I really really loved it, probably my favourite snippet you've posted! It was very pared back and yet gorgeously written. (And that is not a compliment I'd just throw out to anybody.)


    So good.

    Also the pictures just make it. And I caNNOT BELIEVE I DON'T FOLLOW YOU ON PINTEREST?!?! I have rectified that!

    1. EMILYYYYY!!! :)

      I cannot tell you how much fun it was to write this. well, not fun, because it made me quite sad, but fun as in I love using songs I love in writing. It's like having cake and eating it too. ;) I'll definitely be doing your next link up if I have the time/brainspace!

      yeah, Riley is from the great ones and is the girl that Matt meets by the boat (she was Sam, but I decided to change her name). thank you so much! I was afraid it would be kind of short, since I wrote the majority of it and was overwhelmed by sad feels (so I almost couldn't finish it...), but I'm glad you liked it. :)

  2. I really liked this even though it's sad. Tragically sad, I always find my self more drawn to sad things than happy. I want to start running now.

    1. I like sad things as long as there's hope for the sun coming out. if things are hopelessly sad, I can't handle them. they just break my heart (and that's coming from someone who claims her soul is ice cold and black...)

      I like running, but because of my joint problems, it's painful and difficult. I mostly go on walks or slow jogs when I need to get things out of my system. but running is a lot of fun and is so good for your mood/body. :)

  3. You've been tagged for the Milk Tea Book Tag :) Hope you have fun <3 :

    1. thanks, dear. :) I'll add it to the pile of blogposts I need to write, lol.

  4. Thank you so much for linking up!

    This is so awesome! And sad. Actually it's very sad. I love the way you write. It's very real and moving. I've always loved your characters too, probably for the same reasons. ;)


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