the day of writing


(apologies. every time I hear that greeting I think of that one line in Hamilton. Yeah. You know which one I'm talking about. That one.)

yesterday I did a thing. I wrote. A LOT. I edited some, but it got to the point that I said "You know, the beginning needs to be different." and so I began my third (ish) rewrite of the great ones. my goal was to reach "Graduation Day," which is when everything blows up, I guess. I didn't quite get there, but maybe I'll will today if I focus.

yeah...that didn't happen

big things that happened yesterday? I got rid of my prologue. *le gasp* it actually kind of felt sacreligious deleting that chunk of italicized text that has been with me since the beginning of time (or there about), but it also felt really really good. I feel like Matt's introduction to the reader is a lot more genuine and you see him as more of a human instead of a sad kid. He wavers back and forth between someone who's glad to be alive and the boy who's broken in a million pieces, and while that process is chaotic and rough to write currently, I think it's gonna work out well. *crosses fingers*

I did something I'd never done before. since day one, the reason why Matt is such a mess was a secret until a certain point in time. you just knew he experienced a severely traumatic something and that that something is destroying his life. Jon didn't "show up" until around page 100? yeah, that's changed. I'm also very proud of myself of introducing Matt's nightmares and dream sequences early on--in prior drafts, that was something that didn't happen until he left home. so yeah. I fully expect more Jon feels in this rewrite. *cries a little*

another big thing that's new is that Shiloh is a bigger character now. I am 1% away from making a decision that will change the tone and course of the novel quite a bit, and I am about 99% okay with how those changes will go down. that one percent is me going " it ain't broke, don't fix it." but then again, Shiloh is a precious cinnamon roll and the world needs to know her better. plus, more room for girlpower, right? I am all about tight girl friendships in YA.

you also get to see a little more into the North household. it breaks my heart how broken things are in their family group, but you don't lose a child or a brother without it making some drastic changes. I guess the Norths just weren't able to handle those changes.

but enough about big picture stuff. I haven't done a great ones snippet post in ages--probably because I wasn't writing that much. or at all. most likely at all. so here are some of my favourite quotes from yesterday and  one or two from last year's unedited mess. yeah. not looking forward to tearing that to pieces.

“I am the world’s biggest dirtbag,” I said as I slipped into Colt’s ratty old jeep. The door creaked shut behind me, and I took a deep breath to fill my aching lungs. It was getting harder to go outside again. 
Colt raised an eyebrow at me and tapped the steering wheel. “Is that a confession or an apology? If it’s a confession, I really need clarification. Are you secretly a vacuum cleaner? Because I’ve had my concerns.”

Summer floated on the breeze too. The almost taste of  warmer weather danced on the tip of my tongue. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. When we were kids, we counted the days til school shut down and the pools opened. Summertime meant trips to the zoo, chasing my sister and her friends with a lukewarm house, and wading through that creek that ran through town. A breeze tickled my nose with chilly fingertips. It tasted like watermelon--cold enough to chill your teeth and freeze your brain, smooth enough for you to slurp. It tasted like my childhood.
But then a gust of mustiness cast a shade over that iridescent happiness, and the vision vanished as my lungs twinged.
I closed my eyes and sighed. Don’t think about it. It’s a good memory. Keep it away.
Not even my memories were safe from my corrosive touch. I ruined everything, just by thinking about it. The watermelon already turned sour in my mind and crunched against my teeth.
Maybe escaping wasn’t such a bad idea. Damage was already done.

I snorted again. “Yup. Can’t sleep in my own bed, but abandoned pools are just great. Like sleeping on memory foam.”
This time he did fling the pencil at me. “Shut up. I’m allowed to be concerned about my best friend.”

“You’re real, right?” Tears dripped messily down my face, and I clenched my eyes shut.
Make them stop. Please. “This isn’t another dream, is it? I can’t handle another dream. Please don’t make me go to sleep.”
Her cool and trembling fingers wound through my greasy hair slowly, trying to calm my breathing. “You’re awake, Matty. Take a deep breath.”

 My fingers rubbed the steering wheel in unsteady pulses as I gnawed on my lip and watched the road with tired eyes. Squeeze, release. Squeeze, squeeze. Release. Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze.
“Stop that,” he finally said.
I jumped a little. “Stop what?”
“Caressing my car.” He pulled his jacket tight around him and leaned the seat back a little. “I feel like you two are cheating on me.”

 He looked stung. “You regret being friends with me? What about how I feel about you? Jerk.”
“I didn’t want to be friends with you,” I shot back without thinking. “Jon convinced me to tolerate you.
We both paused.
Radio static filled the truck
Across the street, a little Civic Accord honked irately at a semi truck
He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Is…is that the first time?”
“Shut up.” I turned away to look out the window so I didn’t have to meet his searching eyes.
“It was, wasn’t it?”
“I said to shut up.”

 We barely made it out of Brixton before Riley made a peep. "Excuse me," she said, "I have a question. Am I allowed to ask those?"
I glanced at Colt. "Answer her," I mouthed.
"Dude," he mouthed back. "She asked you, not me."
Did that matter?
I sighed but still didn't look her way. "In moderation."
Colt nodded as if he knew what moderation actually meant.
She wedged her shoulders in between our seats, leaning forward like an overeager pigeon. "Why are you driving to California? To catch some waves? Actually, I think I know. This is an intervention; Colt is saving Matt from eternal paleness."
"That's more accurate than you'd think," I muttered, and to her credit, she chuckled.

"Why are you concerned about me? I'm the bad cop, remember?'
She chuckled. "Nah, I don't think you're the cop type. More like Grumpy."

Was she actually comparing me to a sulky dwarf?
Her eyes twinkled like usual.
Yes. Yes, she was.

Come to your door.
The monosyllabic words of that text screamed “Hi, I’m Matthew North, and I’m pissed at you for no reason in particular,” but I was an idiot and then some if I went to the door just because I
thought it might be my pet nuisance calling me out for a mid-evening sarcasm battle. 
 Depends. Do you have donuts? Who is this?
You seriously ask that SECOND? What are you, an idiot?

 My brother gripped his fingers through the roots of his hair and sighed. “It’s not a crime to let me go, Matty.”
“I know that.”
“I just don’t want to.”
“Really.” He looked me straight in the eyes. I hated it when he did this. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing a person who was me…but wasn’t.
This version of me had brown eyes that melted with sadness.
I hated that too.

 “I had a brother,” I began. Just saying those four words was like a release from some pressurized vault inside my soul. “His name was Jon. And he looked just like me. He was my best friend. He—he let me eat his Jello cups if he could have my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He really loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.” I ducked my head and smiled.
“Don’t do that again,” she said, grinning with her whole face. “Or do. I could get used to you looking adorable.”

now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do something about my feels BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY REAL TONIGHT.

me holding my life together as I rewrite this novel

I love my great ones. love them so so much.

Have a great weekend, guys!  




    please finish this. and if you need beta readers Im just gonna slide that out there that I like reading and stuff.

    1. I KNOW

      and yes you are always on my beta list (once it's beta-worthy. right now it's just...cringe. XD )

  2. I am already in love with this story, and these character's. I ship it! Riley and Matt, Matt and the car. I laughed so hard at that.

    That Murphy gif, is an accurate representation of my life right now.

    1. I'm glad you love it! gives me warm and fuzzy feelings all over. ^_^ (it's probably lame to ship my own character but DANG IT aren't they adorable??? I love them so much. And the car/Matt moment is a forever fave of's made it through all the drafts lol)

      same about the gif, tbh. I relate to Murphy more than I ever thought I would XD

  3. AGH AGH AGH THESE SNIPPETS ARE KILLING ME THEY'RE SO GOOD. And I have no idea who I'm even shipping BUT I SHIP IT REALLY HARD. You're book sounds amazing and I wish it was on my bookshelf right now (no, wait, what am I saying-- not on my bookshelf-- RIGHT HERE IN MY HANDS).


      but seriously, thank you. just reading people's comments that they're fangirling or shipping and that they love what I've somehow pieced together means a lot--literally made my day. :)


  4. So many feels. XD I hope the revising process goes great for you!

  5. *quietly waits to read the thing because oh my gosh, I seriously need it*


    and those snippets are FREAKING BEAUTIFUL

    and wow????


    I must read this book, it's not optional.


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