Thursday, February 19, 2015

hey you

yeah, you.

my number one enemy.

the thing that kinda turned my life upside down. Multiple times.

the thing that's confusing my body and destroying my intestines in a slow and painful process.

yeah, you  know who I'm talking about.


we used to get along so well, at least on a surface level. We hung out quite a lot over cake, sandwiches, name it! I wouldn't say that I love you, but at least we tolerated each other. The occasional headache happened, you sometimes made me want to puke...but it wasn't that big of a deal. Our personalities just didn't mesh.

well, that sure changed.

I don't know when it happened, but something inside of me snapped. I couldn't handle you any more--literally. We were at war with each other, and at times, you took my will to do anything and buried in some deep dark hole.

how despicable.

to think that something as innocent and lovely as a cupcake could be so evil.

I'm writing this because today is a good day. This past week...not so much. I thought for a moment that I was over being over you. A month completely gluten-free (and pain free...) is pretty fantastic. But one Wednesday afternoon, that all blew up. You came back full force, and I'm really not sure how. The five days after that were pretty sucky. I'll admit it. I was probably a major pain to be around (heh, I still am, I'm sure.) I didn't want to go to class, I didn't want to eat, I wanted to sleep and couldn't...

same story, second verse.

but today's a good day. My back hurts a little. Breakfast didn't want to go down but it stayed down eventually. I'm tired but what else is new. And every time I want to slip into my good old mire of dark thoughts, I just remember that you're to blame.

I suppose I should thank you. I don't want to, but I should. You changed my life. You made me realize that I was supposed to think the way I did for two years straight. Those dark thoughts, that depression, that anxiety...that was all amplified by you. Yes, those thoughts came straight from my head, but you dragged me into the mire and made it impossible to get out. I didn't even have the strength to try.

depression sucks. there's no other way to say it. But now that I know, now that I've seen people be happy through all the suckiness, now that I've seen bright spots in between your stupid attacks...I know I'm definitely over you.

And I'm thankful for what you taught me too.

But I still want to sucker-punch you right in the face.

Just sayin'.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

{how to live: the greatest story}

Jesus is the coolest, you know?

y'all are probably just scratching your heads at this moment, thinking to yourselves, "Um...has Ely gone off the deep end? She's been MIA in the blogging world for almost three weeks now, and her first words after that void of time are "Jesus is the coolest?" I'm not gonna argue,'s kinda weird."

I do not blame you. I know for a fact that I am indeed weird. I had lunch in the cafeteria, and then went back to my dorm and had rice with soy sauce because the rice in the cafeteria was really sucky. Yeah, weird. Or abnormal at the least.

I'm not really sure if I've made it obvious what kind of college I chose to attend, but I am doing so now: I am a Bible college student. And this semester, I'm not really taking any "non-Jesus" classes. So day after day, hour after hour, I'm learning more and more about Jesus and God and all that good stuff.

It's pretty cool, I know.  I wasn't sure if I'd like that much Biblical information being poured into me all at once (haha who am I kidding I'm a Bible Quizzer I memorize whole books of the Bible for fun), but as my weeks at school have progressed, I'm falling in love with the process. Yeah, there's homework. Yeah, Tuesday and Thursdays are full to the gills. Yeah, my friends are weird and awesome and we "watch" too many movies while homeworking. So it's pretty much awesome.

I really REALLY like school, guys.

And I'm really REALLY glad about that.

The reason why I finally sat down and attempted to blog SOMETHING (anything, actually. I was all ready to start posting cat memes to substitute as a thing that's definitely increased in the past week is my cat meme viewings. They're hilarious.) is that I was reading my Pentateuch book this afternoon, and something struck me.

No, this goes back further.

You all know I write. Heck, you probably know more than you want to know about my writing, which is awesome because you stuck around despite all that. But writing is a big part of my life. I admire authors on a very high level. Some of my biggest role models are authors.

And so I guess what I'm leading up to is that God is like one of the coolest authors ever.

Seriously, think about it. He engineered EVERYTHING perfectly. Just look at the Bible. He wrote the perfect story--perfect characters, perfect plot-line (complete with jaw-dropping plot-twist), and a perfect ending. Every part of the story connects together, though it might not seem that way on the surface. If you dig a little deeper, let the details sink in, and connect the starts to make sense in a beyond epic way. Also, can we talk about God's character development in people like Abraham, Jonah, Paul, and so many others? God's people, or his "characters" are not perfect. In fact, they're anything BUT perfect. You see them at their best and at their worst. Just look at David! He was an a poor shepherd boy. A nobody. Becomes king. Has a one night stand with a married woman, ends up getting her pregnant, and then kills her husband. God loves him any way. And it's through his line that the Savior of all comes. How wickedly cool is that? Abraham is credited as the man of faith...and yet he still lied because he was afraid. Paul started out as Saul, a terrible, heartless, and conniving man. And then God changed him--and we use his words to this day in the church. How crazy is that?

God is amazing. He's got it all planned out, and he had the kindness of heart to write it his story down. How cool is He? Way cool, my friends, way cool. And it might super nerdy of me, but God gives me feels. Lots of them.

Hope you all have a great week!!