Sunday, January 31, 2016

week by week #14 || I swear I have a life

no matter how many times I say I'm going to stick to a schedule, I fail. *shrugs* I guess that's life. weekly updates are hard for me to write too, because I typically forget them until the last minute (despite my better intentions...I honestly say I'm going to start the post on Saturday so I can finish it on Sunday...and that never happens...) I think I had a valid excuse for missing last week though--I was sick again. I may be in tentative recovery from my fibromyalgia symptoms, but that definitely does NOT make me immune to getting sick like you muggles.

in fact, it typically takes me twice as long to kick a cold as the average person. *glares at my immune system* get your crap together, pretty please. I like not being sick.

currently || reading

pretending to be erica
Violet and Erica are two different girls battling out in one body. the only problem is Erica's been dead for years, and Violet's a con artist with daddy issues. she's supposed to be stealing a painting, but she ends up wracked with guilt, confusion, and new friends who don't believe she's who she says she is. I loved the character of Violet so much. her inner conflict was real, as well as her external conflict. Her old father, Sal, was the man who rescued her from being alone; her new mother--Erica's mother--saved her from him. She's a beautiful character at war with herself, and I adore characters like that. Nothing else about the story wast blow my mind amazing, but Violet made the book for me.

bright lights, dark nights, by stephen emond
still reading this one, but once again, really intriguing characters. the plot is interesting too, but I'm not too far into it so I don't think I can comment on how things go. I will say the art is fantastic though.

not if I see you first, by eric lindstrom
*cries for forever because of this book* I'm writing a more thorough review of this one, because I loved it so frickin' much, but suffice it to say that it made me feel things about trust, loss, and friendship. it actually made me face some things that I'd been ignoring for years. good book. veeeeeeery good book.

currently || listening

my songs for the past two weeks. I'm thinking about doing a january recap in music if you guys would like (or even if you wouldn't, ehehehehehe). as always, my taste in music is so varied that it makes ME scratch my head. my ipod is a disaster. 

currently ||  watching

the 100

remember that whole being sick thing? yeah...I watched a ton of the 100 in very little time. I got to the point where I said "I am going to catch up so I can watch it on air." I regret that decision so so much. the 100 has eaten my life and I'm totally okay with it. except now I can't binge watch any more...waiting from week to week kills me.

the 100 crack gives me life

also, I have some serious emotions about Bellamy and Clarke. if you don't ship it, cool, but please let exhibit A be why you should: the way Bellamy looks at Clarke. *heart explodes* I really love Bellamy's name as well. Very unique without being too weird. *double thumbs up*

teen wolf

ah yes the other tv show that I'm watching on air and it freaking. kills. me. I find it really funny that I get invested in kdramas and I have little to no issue waiting for each weeks episodes, while American tv shows drive me crazy while waiting. it might have something to do with the fact that I get two episodes a week with kdramas...yeah. it's awesome.

but teen wolf!  the pack is back--almost. they better rescue my girl Lydia before she actually goes crazy. I'm really glad sassy Stiles is back, because s5a was rough on both Stiles and Scott. it's good that they're not fighting any more. And I'd really like to punch Theo in the face. Yup. No shame.



this is a new kdrama I started that is currently blowing my mind. I'm only two episodes in, but I'm more attached to this show than any of the others that I'm following (well, maybe except Cheese in the Trap. *narrows eyes at Jung* I know there's something up with you. my spidey sense are tingling.) I started it with the understanding that it was serious and a cop/detective drama, which are not my usual style. to my surprise, it's got some subtle funny spots to go with it's very serious topic, and the characters are precious and need to be protected. plus--a mysterious walky-talky that helps solve cold cases across time? yes please.

currently || enjoying

my new phone case

now the world knows that I am indeed min yoongi trash. but seriously, isn't it a really beautiful case? this is the second time I've shopped with this artist, and her work has really good quality for fairly cheap price and shipping. I have a feeling this case will last better than my last one too, because I'm a little less anxious and can't pick at this hardcase like I did with the silicone one I had. I also got a sticker with it, which I put on my laptop. I'm running out of room!


editing editing editing as always. sassy Matt is back, while sad Matt is chilling in a dark corner somewhere, and I'm finding I'm not hating what I write and edit as much now. sadness is good to write, but sometimes it gets very, very old. I'm also on the second chapter of Seeker and I want to squish Wade and Hauk so much. I've missed them a lot. I don't want to squish Grythais though. She's not a hugger. not to mention the whole dungeon slime thing.


february means I'm one step closer to being a normal person (I really should stop saying that in case I relapse and look like an idiot...). I sincerely doubt it'll happen, but maybe I'll get to have some of the forbidden food in february. the possibility lurks! and it both excites me and scares me. I'm also looking forward to february because there are book releases coming  and I have a Barnes and Noble gift card that I am itching to spend. Isn't that the hardest decision? when you have a gift card that you want to use, but you want to use it on the RIGHT thing? that's me right now. so many books to buy and not enough money or time... *sighs* I may just buy me a copy of Not If I See You First, because I loved it that much. that way I can have an eternal source of feels.

rearranging my room

it seems like it hasn't been that long, but it has been about four months since I moved back home and made my little nest. it's time to switch things up. I didn't have the energy to do it this weekend (I was too busy watching the 100, ehehehe), but hopefully this week I'll get around to moving furniture and posters and such. thank goodness I don't have to move my lights again. THAT was a pain and a half.

the day I take them down I will probably cry. THEY WERE SO STRESSFUL

currently // pinterest

I live my life based on this advice

what have you guys been up to? busy week or chill weeks--which do you prefer? if you're in school right now, how's that going? and if you've read Not If I See You First, did you cry or am I just a big baby?

come to me with your tears. I will internet-hug you.

I'm probably just a big baby.

Have a great week, guys! <3

and with that bit of truth, I'm out. peace!

Friday, January 29, 2016

seeker || the beginning

I like to think I'm a good mom.
wait what?

no, I don't have a secret child hidden in my basement (though I do refer to myself as Finn's mom...weird), but I like to think of my various WIP and books that I've written as my children (what author doesn't?). I'd also like to think I love them equally, but the fact of the matter is that I'm a little biased.

*clears throat* okay, a lot biased.
that's more like it

my goals have been seriously focused on the great ones and the general for about three years? since I moved, for sure. I don't think I've worked seriously on any other projects (apart from Wake Me Up November, but that was a sort of fluke) since the conception of the great ones. I've dabbled here and there, but mostly I've stuck with my crew of losers.

I have a confession to make.

I'm a bad mom. I forgot my first born child. for good reason! but still...have you ever stumbled on old files you completely forgot about or worn notebooks that you thought you lost? that was me this week. I went digging, and I came back up with a distraction. *looks apologetically at unedited great ones* I'll get to you later.

but for now, let's talk about Seeker.

Seeker was the first story I was passionate about writing. the first draft was basically a complete rip off of a fantasy book I loved around the age of 12 (yes, this story is OLD. 8 years old. Wow. I feel old now.) but as I grew and my writing style changed, it morphed into something my own. The plot was your typical fantasy "gotta stop the dark lord gotta save the world" stereotype, but I loved it. I loved my characters. I still do. I may say that I love Matt and Colt like nothing else, but the reality is I have a huge soft spot for  my Seekers...even you, Elias. *narrows eyes at my poor baby antagonist* I think of Seeker as the gateway that really set me on fire to write. without Seeker, I genuinely doubt the great ones would exist. that thought kind of scares me.

I haven't talked all that much about Seeker here on this blog, mostly because the great ones has been #1 on my mind for so long. I'd like to change that. the great ones is still obviously #1, because I need to finish their story, but Seeker is my happy place. Seeker makes me feel like I can save the world and defeat the dark lord...whoever the heck that is. I'm going to focus on editing the great ones (and doing homework...bleh...) but in my spare time, I'm going to be paying a little more attention to my first born child. it's too precious to me to be abandoned.

so without further ado, here's the first in a series of posts about Seeker.


"I can do this on my own. I'm not afraid."
"Then why are you shaking?"
"Because I'm human."

// pine needles underfoot // the taste of salt in your mouth after the tears have dried // long dark hair, unbrushed and coarse // a child's hesitant touch // dark green, like moss growing at the bottom of a creek // sleepless nights // the thrum of hidden energy // tossing and turning // night terrors // fearlessly terrified // a contradiction if I ever saw one //

“The boy must come with us. He knows too much.”
Wade scowled at her boot tips. “I was hoping you wouldn’t say that. Are you sure we can’t just throw him in the river?”

“Quite positive.”


“This is just dandy,” Hauk muttered. “A real pickle. They're going to forget I'm here and I'll rot away to dust. Or worse, send a messenger telling my father, ‘Sir, your son has disappeared. We think he locked himself in a closet.'"

// golden boy // a worrier // a warrior // his smile brings all the girls to the yard // sun-dried hay // peaceful // a messy blond braid // king // brave // apollo without a harp // his best friend is a monkey // loves his mom so much it's cute // would trade his soul to go home // but he has no home to go to //

"Grythais, good to see you,” the man said. “How were the dungeons?”
The beast smiled. “Dank, as ever. You look well, Glenn k'Natil. How goes to the search?”

His eyes dart towards Hauk.

“The boy is safe,” said Grythais. “We picked him up from the School. He knows nothing.”

“Quite literally,” Wade muttered. Hauk scowled at her.


"Are you mad at me for some reason?” Glenn wrapped his arms around Wade’s shoulder.  “I thought you were happy to see me again, and here you are giving me the iceberg shoulder.”
She pulled away, but a smile still slipped out. “Iceberg shoulder?”
“Like the cold shoulder, only infinitely more icy.”

// too strong for his own good // also green, but different. deeper. scarier // silent // encourager // on the run // teacher // crisp mountain on an early morning // the welcoming hug of a father // alone in the presence of many // his voice quietly rises like the full moon // lowkey mother hen // his anger strikes like a thunderstorm you didn't see coming in the sky // likes to match make on the side when he isn't trying to run away from his assassins // the type to make really bad dad jokes //
I'm so glad I started watching the 100 again because Bellamy came on the screen and I screamed. Bob Morley is exactly how I pictured Glenn.

Glenn looked at the top of Braethe's head and smiled softly to himself. She was too busy glaring at the dirt and scrunching her nose up like she did when frustrated to notice, so he looked at her as long and as hard as he needed. He let his eyes fall shut with the sight her face illuminated by the sun. If he squeezed them shut tight enough, maybe the memory would stay as vivid and warm as the moment. 
Finally, he opened his eyes and arms and wrapped her in a hug. Her arms tightened around him, and he basked in her warmth. The smell of baking bread and dried blood clung to her sunlit hair.
 "Be careful, okay?"
She pulled her face out of his chest and smirked at him. "Don't be daft. I'm not the one who needs to be careful."
Oh, how he wished he could follow her--to the village, to her home, to the ends of their lives. A bitter taste rose in his mouth. Curse the fates.


“Finally. Let’s go.” She started up, but something invisible held her back. “...release me, Grythais, or I will incinerate you.”
“I’m truly terrified, youngling, but let’s sit a little. Humans are unpredictable creatures; he could return without warning.”
“Darn right humans are unpredictable,” she muttered under her breath. “You’ll never see it coming when I rip your throat out from insanity.”
“Very funny, child. Don’t announce your plans to murder me to the world; it ruins the surprise.”

// scaly in more ways than one // the ultimate sassmaster // sarcasm runs through her blood // definitely not a dragon // the last of her kind // dislikes parsnips // hopeful // sacrifice // oracle // the red rising sun //

A winged creature poked its head out of the trees, looking sleepily between the boy and the girl. Ever shifting shades of green scales coated its body from the tip of its nose to its tail, sparkling iridescently. Its wings folded at its side, but just by staring at it he knew it could support both him and the girl and maybe another five people. The beast was huge.
Please don’t eat me.
The creature chuckled. “Don’t worry, youngling. I strictly avoid human flesh. It tastes like parsnips. I am not very fond of parsnips.”


“Someday,” little Elias told Rania, holding her hand as he skipped beside her, “when I’m big ‘n’ tall, I’m gonna build a castle. A big one. An’ I’m gonna put stuff in it.”
“Oh?” she asked. “What kind of stuff?”
“Pretty stuff. Like flowers. And cake. And swords.”
“I’m not sure if those things all fall into the same category,” she said with a laugh.

// angry // molten silver // forgotten child // the sting of metal against metal // the harsh flash of starlight // son of none // son of slime // has more than a few daddy issues // wishes he was one of the cool kids // and by cool kids I mean Caanor // likes horses more than dragons // blue trying to be red // deep like the bottom of the farthest sea // so so alone //

Elias cracked his neck and waved a lethargic hand. Another lash fell on the Seeker's bare back, and a tired smile curved his pale thin lips. His guards shifted anxiously next to him, unsure whether today would end good or bad. The way the dark, bruising circles wrapped around his hooded eyes meant he hadn't slept, but the smile...he only smiled on good days.
Serving Elias Tharnton was like walking on a razor wire that always threatened to snap when you least expected it.


"I know you're there, Glenn. You haven't been able to sneak up on me since I started wearing skirts."
Her best friend stepped out of the bushes, dirt and grease covering his handsome face. Even under the layer of grime and exhaustion, his eyes crinkled with happiness at the sight of her. "You need to teach me how you do that some day."
She grinned, sheathing her sword. "You wish."

// brave // warrior princess // say she doesn't need no man but she loves him with all her heart // the mom friend // fresh air and drying hay in the summer // the way they look at each other hurts my heart in a good way // gentle // compassionate // the silver gold of straw under the sun // the taste of a warm, savory stew running across your tongue // comforter //

Braethe brandished her soup pot angrily at the boys. "If you hooligans won't get out of my kitchen and stop pestering me about Wade, I will knock you out so hard you won't remember who you are. Get lost!"


// sister // wind rustling in the tree // touch her hair and you die // looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you quite easily // regal // takes sass lessons from Braethe and Grythais // doesn't understand Wade at all // independent // ready to be free // likes climbing trees and poking people // sleeps more than you'd think // a child at heart //


// cold // likes to sit in dark corners and scare people // deep blue, like the underside of the sea // if she smiles the apocalypse is coming // don't be her enemy. just don't // likes animals // salt water sweat and tears // relentless // just a little girl // fluent in three different languages // can talk circles around you //


"Combust..." Malek smiled. "I like that word. Almost as good as explosion."

// incineration // puppy eyed // doesn't know where his feet are // the smell of worn leather // black hair tied back with a string // lazy // the orange at the center of a flame // bit of a hermit // jokester // my sweet little pyromaniac // abandoned // lost in the dark // hopeful for rescue // is a cinnamon roll who will burn your house down if he feels like it //

Wade pulled Hauk aside and said in a whisper, "We need to get rid of Malek if this mission is going to succeed. The boy has no sense of tact--"
"Did someone say my name?" Malek leaned in between them. "Hauk, you really need to work on your sneaking off skills."

so that's that. you've met my strange (not-so) little cast of characters. some of them are new, some of them are eight years old. all are brave warriors in their own regards. and I love them all a lot (I'm especially excited to write about Bronte and Sia...they're the newest additions to the Seeker family, if you couldn't tell by their lack of quotes). since I started working on Seeker (I work on it every other day while I edit every day...or try to edit every day...), I've fallen in love with the story and am thrilled to share it with you guys. wish me luck!

also, I didn't clarify who is the "main character" or the narrator...who do you think it is? *wiggles eyebrows*

hope you guys have a great Friday!