Sunday, February 28, 2016

week by week #17 // mister ambiguous and aliens

things that happened this week:
  • the chickens didn't eat me (though I did get followed down the driveway some...that was fun)
  • I found a schedule that I really like and think will help me get stuff done on a daily basis
  • I watched yet another season of the x-files, way too fast
  • someone needs to save me from the plot bunnies
  • I saw my brother and his family and fell on the floor a lot because exhaustion
  • I came home ^_^
  • aaaaand somehow I turned into a morning person. 
I honestly think that last one is the scariest. I have never been a through and through morning person. And now I wake up at 6:30 and think "are the chickens fed? have they picked themselves to pieces yet?" and then proceed to be wide awake.

and I'm not sure it's a bad thing.

*crosses off morning person award*

anyways, I survived my week away and discovered that I really shouldn't live by myself. Words could not stop flowing from my mouth when my sister dropped by or when I finally came home. definitely need a roommate--and that doesn't mean my cat. he's great to talk to, but his baleful glares aren't the best for conversation.

I am Mabel. Mable is me.

it's funny, I said I was going to get a lot of reading and writing done while over there, and I did...but it was school writing and reading. I have a final this Saturday, and then two weeks of break! I'm excited for next quarter (English Comp I and Art Appreciation!) but I'm ready for a breather. 

here are some of the lovely things I've been loving this week!

currently || reading

red queen, by victoria aveyard
in celebration of finally finishing Me Before You (*sniffs* review is coming! I promise!), I am treating myself to a book I've wanted to read for a long time...but I always forgot the title. *facepalms* I'm about a quarter way through it, and hope to finish it tomorrow. so far, I really like it. The protagonist hasn't connected with me yet, but I'm giving her time. I like her spunk though. I did see how the whole "arena" Queenstrial scene was gonna go  and who Cal was. And I feel a love triangle lurking in the shadows, so I'm a little concerned about that, but I'm still giving it the benefit of the doubt.

black dove, raven white, by elizabeth wein
just picked this up from the library! I feel kinda sad that when I tried Code Name Verity it just didn't stick to me (I think I tried to read it while under the influence of gluten), so I'm hoping this book will give me another shot at liking this author's work. plus, historical ya fiction is something I'm constantly craving. give me your recommendations. help me.

denton's little death date, by lance rubin
heh...I actually meant to read this book ages ago. I think I put it on hold last year, but the hold expired and I never got my hands on it. I said I was done with contemporaries for a while, but I don't think this one will be an ordinary contemporary. *crosses fingers*

currently || listening 

(sorry for the lack of english songs. *shrugs* february music post is coming soon! until then, pls love my homegirls mamamoo and my sons astro...)

currently || watching

the x-files
same old, same old. I introduced my sister this week (why watch suspenseful tv shows in the middle of the woods in a old creaky house by yourself when you could watch them with your sister), and she really likes talking the plot through with me and proclaiming at really tense moments: "Man, how is that Mulder guy so attractive? Howw???" yup. good times.

words cannot express my love for scully

I mentioned this kdrama a few weeks ago, and I'm glad to say that it turned out more amazing than I thought it would. I've been in a little bit of a slump in keeping up with my shows lately (call it the cost of doing well in school), but signal and cheese in the trap have been the two that I absolutely have to watch. I love timey wimey things, and it's a great detective show. there is police corruption popping up now, which is one of my least favourite kdrama trope (mostly because it gets VERY political and VERY dry VERY fast), but I'll forgive it that little grievance. it's made me laugh, cry, and think...and I love that I don't know any of the actors from anything else? it keeps me from being distracted by past contrasting roles.

you're beautiful
ahhh speaking of tropes. this is one of my first and favourite shows, despite how cheesy and random it is. I love seeing my babies again. also the crazy fashion and hair. and that OST!!! *cries a lil*

the flash
my mind is blown. why did I ever stop watching this show? I'm still conflicted and confused about a lot of things, but now I understand why I had this huge love-hate relationship with Dr. Wells and a bunch of other details have been cleared up. can't wait to finish season 1 and start on season 2.

currently || enjoying

oh my gosh guys. it is amazing here. I don't handle cold too well, and humidity makes fibro into a raging beast, but I will love this perfect 67 degrees for as long as possible. I've worn shorts two days in a row. granted, I was still wearing a hoodie, but isn't that the epitome of comfort? It's warm enough to play basketball again as well.

I've had cheese twice this week. I've had a little stomach discomfort, but no out of the ordinary aches and pains, so I think it's just to be expected after such a long time of only eating little portions of butter. I'm both excited and scared to move on to more foods...taking it slowly though. veeeeeeeeery slowly.

I love this group so much. they are the craziest girls I've seen so far, and that just makes me love them more. plus, just listen to those harmonies???? how???

currently || pinterest

hope you guys had a fantastic week! what were you all up to? is the weather nice where you're at, or is it still stuck in that icky winter place? (if so, my condolences)

have a great start to your week, guys!!!


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

hey you pt. 2

yeah, you. been here before, but this time it's a little different. 

you're my new number one enemy. 

the thing that kinda turned my life upside down. Multiple times. Again.

me every time you flare up

the thing that's confusing my body and destroying my...well, my everything in a slow and painful process.

yeah, you know who I'm talking about.


here she goes

a little over a year ago, I wrote a letter to my then sworn enemy gluten, complaining about how crappy it is and how I was thankful for its presence in my life--without gluten, I doubt I would be able to cope with my depression and anxiety like I do now. it taught me a lot of things, and I'm grateful for that. miss the pizza tho. 

little did I know that you were about to make an entry into my life that would shake things around all over again. 

screw you, fibromyalgia. you suck. 

you will never be kawaii, fibro. never.

you came out of the blue--one day, I was fine; the next, I couldn't walk up the stairs. I didn't know what happened, and I honestly felt like I was dying from the inside out. you took away my social life,  my education, my brain (or what was left of it), my health, and my happiness. you replaced it with sadness, pain, and depression. you set me on edge--towards everything. thanks to you, I experienced my first panic attack, my first MRI, and had needles as long as my pinky finger stuck into my legs. I cried because of my eccentric neurologist telling me I might have a degenerative muscle disease--because of you. I had days where I couldn't even walk outside because you hurt my skin and my eyes. sometimes, the very clothes I wore hurt me.

all because of you. 

you disgusting piece of autoimmune disorder. shame on you. 

now, you might claim that gluten kindly opened the door for you, and I practically welcomed you in with my sky high stress levels, but the fault is entirely yours. you wrecked havoc on my body, and I had to pay for it, with, once again, my social life, my education, my brain, my health, and my happiness. 

well, that's not a thing any more.

you and I are over. 

that's not to say that you won't still be around, lurking at the corners of my life. there will be days when you shove your way in, sending pain up and down my spine, wrapping my ribcage in your burning, aching grip, turning my brain to mush because I'm in too much pain to handle. that's okay.

I average at "beeees" or "i can't stop crying" on flare days

I am always going to have bad days. that's something that I've accepted, and I kind of needs those days. they remind me to appreciate the good in my life, and to be careful or I might wind up where I was before if I don't make the right choices. 

this is my favourite quote ever--LISTEN TO THE BUNNY

I'm writing this because today was a rough day--not because of you, per se, but you do amplify every little thing. you little drama queen, you. you like to make everything about you, don't you? even simple spring time allergies. that's so out of your league. 

get over yourself, please. I sure am over you. 

I said this to gluten, and I'll say it again, only to you: even though today was rough, it was a good day. My back hurts a little. I'm tired but what else is new. And every time I want to slip into my good old mire of dark thoughts, I just remember that you're to blame.

You changed my life. Those dark thoughts, that depression, that anxiety...that was all amplified by you (along with frickin' gluten). Yes, those thoughts came straight from my head, but you dragged me into the mire and made it impossible to get out. I didn't even have the strength to try.  

depression sucks. there's no other way to say it. but now that I know, now that I've seen people be happy through all the suckiness--now that I myself have been happy!--I know I'm definitely over you.

And I'm thankful for what you taught me too.

But I still want to sucker-punch you (and gluten...still) right in the face. 

this is a metaphor; yoongi, I still love you

Just sayin'. 

*aggressively eats bowl of rice*

yes, ladies and zentlemen, I have been cleared to introduce my forbidden foods into my diet again. last night, I ate two small spoonfuls of white rice--something I haven't eaten since October. 

me when anyone mentioned my favourite forbidden food

it wasn't quite as good as i thought it would be. *shrugs* maybe I'm over rice too. now that's something I never thought I would say. 

so far, I haven't felt any change or reaction, but I'm definitely waiting a few days before trying anything else new. definitely do not want to push it. but I am so so thrilled. hopefully once the weather stops screwing around and my allergies settle down, I'll be less tired and achy. either way, I am so thankful I made it through this past year. there were times when I worried I wouldn't be able to survive this. when I think about those nights, when the pain just enveloped me, it physically makes me cry.

I never want to be there again. 

but instead of dwelling on painful memories like those, I write cathartic letters to my disease. you should do it too. it relieves more stress than you'd imagine. 

hope you all have a great week!!!


Sunday, February 21, 2016

week by week #16 // gangster chickens and aliens

things I've learned in the past week:

  • the X-files are awesome 
  • chickens are slightly terrifying
  • I love my brother a lot
  • I can force myself into a sleep schedule if necessary
  • and I really really miss my kitty. 

like, really really miss him.

I am currently house-sitting! first time I've been technically employed since I was diagnosed with celiac disease. house-sitting is right up my alley, because I can sit a lot, sleep as much as I need to, and I'm healthy enough now that I can run from the chickens when they surround me like some sort of Mafia gang.

yes. I am scared of chickens. feel free to judge me.

me @ me: you are so lame.

the place I'm staying at is really nice, though, and the people who live here are absolute sweethearts, so I'm looking forward to this week. gonna get a ton of school and writing done, hopefully. *crosses fingers*

even though the other animals I'm watching are really sweet (apart from the gangster birds) I do miss Finn a ton. and it's only been one night. It's funny how you get attached to snuggling every night and don't realize it until you can't snuggle with your fuzzy friend.

I want to cuddle all the furry creatures!!!!

currently || reading

the boy most likely to, by huntley fitzpatrick
yet another contemporary...this week I have a sci-fi and some fantasy to read, thank goodness. I was hesitant about this book, especially after the disappointment of What I Thought Was True, but it turned out to be not awful (no My Life Next Door, but still). kinda soap-opera-ish, but sassy and not terrible. probably won't ever reread, but restored my fragile faith in this author. and made me want to reread My Life Next Door.

speechless, by hannah harrington
now this contemporary I loved. Chelsea can't keep her mouth shut--she talks and talk and talks. no secret is safe with her. but  when blabbing a certain secret goes terribly wrong, people end up in the hospital and she decides to take a vow of silence. her old friends abandon her, and she discovers that maybe the people she mocked before are actually the better of the two groups. overall, a very cute story. I love the diner setting and how much character Chelsea gained over her vow of silence. and the love story element was precious, and I think everyone deserves a friend like Asha.

me before you, by jojo moyes
I'm in the middle of this one AND I JUST SAW A SPOILER HELP. I kind of already knew what it was, but this confirmed the details before it actually happened. and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, as an author I applaud this move. as a reader I kinda wanna cry. but don't mind me and my stupid tendency to look at sequels before finishing the first book. go read this beautiful book. has interesting characters, important things to say about ableism and disabilities, and an important message about living your life.

currently || listening

(even if you don't like kpop watch ^this^ song. IT IS MY JAM. also accurately represents my sister and I's relationship)

I do the dance for this song very badly and my cat looks at me very funny every time, like "that's not how you do it, idiot human."

currently || watching

the x-files
I really shouldn't have started watching the x-files before going to house-sit (I'm watching it right now. I may have consequences). It's just eerie enough to wig me a little, but so far I'm doing pretty good. it's not my fault, because I started it under the impression that there WEREN'T actually alien tomfoolery happening. that it all could be explained by science and stuff, kind of like how the supernatural episodes of Psych and Criminal Minds are. not complaining about the eeriness though. I haven't found a tv show I liked this much in ages (okay, since the 100. but still). I'm almost to season 2!

I love Scully and Mulder so freaking much

so much subtle sass

the flash
my little brother started watching this show together Friday night. He'd never seen it, and I stopped halfway through season one for some odd reason, so we're working our way from the beginning. His words? "Is Barry that guy from Twilight?" he groans at the kissy scenes and tolerates me shouting at Dr. Wells and General Eiling that they're dirtbags. overall, it's pretty great.

currently || pinterest

this was my life last week now I need to be up by 6:30 every morning because chickens help


same hoseok same

*misses my purple hair so hardcore*

also, do me a favour and watch this video. I love this man so much. I laughed so hard I wheezed--it once took him 30 minutes and 3 staff members to get his lenses.  I actually cannot even.

I hope you guys had a great weekend, and I'll see you soon for some more book reviews, once I finish Me Before You! *sobs a little*

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *falls asleep*