Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 \\ looking back

2016. wow.


part of me feels like this year zoomed by, like I blinked and suddenly we're here in December, but then again, it also feels as though online school couldn't have begun almost a year ago--because that eight week format totally screwed up how I viewed my year--and that I couldn't have still been on that restricted diet and experiencing pain just twelve months ago.

2016 was a weird year. people all over the Internet have been complaining that 2016 is a dumpster fire of a year, and while I see the evidence, I still believe that my life without a 2016 would have been much, much worse. it was a mixed batch of frustration, growth, happy memories, and determination to do better. I'm so pumped for 2017. yes, it's going to be different. yes, it's going to be hard. but I'm so excited that I'm here, that I get to enjoy it.

it's weird to say it, but two or three years ago, I dreaded living another year. now, I look forward with joy and anxiety mixing together. progress.


and I'm also able to look back with happiness now. I'm just as thankful for that, because it hasn't always been a happy thing to look at my past year for this recap. often times, it's very very hard. but experience and optimism have really taught me how to see the good things, and having my life back from a lot of things that threatened to destroy me means that those good things have increased tenfold.

so yeah--these days, I'm simultaneously trembling with excitement and nostalgia because I literally feel SO MUCH about this year and the coming one.

if your 2016 was tough, for whatever reason, I am sorry. I wish everyone could have good years, but as we all know, that's just not how life works. but I do pray that you have learned to see the good along side the bad, or that you're at least learning to. choosing to open my eyes and ignore the lies that my tired brain was telling me really helped turn things around. some days, it's really hard to do, but if you struggle to maintain this perspective of accepting the good along with the bad on a day to day basis, your annual hindsight might be a little brighter. in my case it was.


life events:

I made it through a year of school! this is a huge accomplishment for me; even though I had enrolled in a different college two years ago, I didn't survive the second semester. but now I am an official sophomore, and I'll be transferring to the Day campus in *gulp* nine days! I was thiiiiiiiiiiiis close to making my goal of being an all A student, but thanks to a goofed up midterm in Art Appreciation, I'll settle for mostly As and one B. :) overall, school has been so good for me, and I'm looking forward to this coming semester.


I got to travel this year! mostly to towns a few hours away from home to see my sister and my brother, but I also got to go see my lovely friend Faith in Chicago. That was definitely a highlight of my year. seeing her was literally a dream come true--and even if it was just for one day, it literally meant the world to me. being able to go to quizzing events and enjoy them has been such an uplifting experience as well; I spent my last year of quizzing resenting the sport and all that it had meant to me for nearly 7 years. being able to take part and not hate it or feel anxious about it makes my heart so happy. I love being an assistant coach, and I love my team.


family was really important for me in 2016. I didn't realize it very much when I was so sick (mostly due to the blinders of pain) but my family is literally like a team working together towards a goal (humor me; I've been watching too much sports anime). whenever one of us needs support, we're all there, giving it in our individually special ways. this year has been hard for us--my sister has moved away to college, my dad has had to work really hard, and things are constantly in flux. 2017 will be an adventure, but it's encouraging to already know that we've got each others backs. we've been through hard things, and we'll make it through whatever comes next.

writing:

I feel bad that I haven't gotten to talk about Tethered, like, at all, thanks to NaNoWriMo destroying all my blogging habits and then having finals right after actually finishing the novel. but let me just say: I love this book. by far my favourite thing I wrote in 2016, and that beats out the great ones. it's really rough (seriously...I'm teetering between showing my sister the first draft and not, and right now, not is winning because of how terrible my plot holes are) but I wrote it. the great ones and the general has been around for almost six years now--Matt has been around since I was twelve--but Tethered popped into my head this summer. I didn't plan on writing it, but it became very obvious that I needed to write it. I'm working on the second draft right now, surely and steadily, and every day I fall a little more in love with it. I cannot wait to share it with you. like, really soon. (and when I say really soon, I mean next post soon). in the mean time, go check out my beautiful pinterest board for my precious baby novel.


healing:

2016 was like taking baby steps. I'm still recovering from being sick; sometimes I forget I ever was sick, and sometimes I forget that I'm slowly getting better. it's a learning process, both physically and emotionally. fibromyalgia or whatever it was that wrecked my body for a year made a huge impact on me, one that I will probably have to deal with for the rest of my life, but it's not the only thing that has changed me. I've never felt such determination or dedication to get better. I mean, I literally cut every good and delicious food out of my diet for six months even though I didn't know it would work. and thank God it did. if 2015 was a hellish year, 2016 was me climbing out of that hell, crying when I needed to, celebrating when necessary. I still have areas that need to improve for me to be able survive as an ordinary adult, and I know that they're going to be tested pretty shortly, but 2016 gave me the drive and focus to keep on going, and I'm thankful for that.



music:

in my notes for this section of this post, I basically did this: *melts down* music literally meant everything to me this year. I learned that your taste in music doesn't have to be stylish or make sense; you can like whatever you like just because you like how it sounds or whatever it means. that's the beauty of music. It kills me to do this, but here are sixteen of my favourite songs from this year (I originally started with five...but as you can see, I gave up. *shrugs*) [ click here for youtube playlist ]

you're the best - mamamoo
castaway - the ready set
sunrise - our last night
the last - agust d
and july - heize ft. dean
our own house - misterwives
playing with fire - blackpink
healing - oh honey
dear wormwood - the oh hellos
21st century girl - bts
fools - troye sivan
trapdoor - twenty one pilots
stuck - monsta x
i like that - sistar
history maker - dean fujioka 
oh nana - kard


books:

2016 was the year I tried to be a book blogger and kind of succeeded, kind of failed. I've come to the decision that it's not completely my cup of tea--I enjoy reviewing books, but it has to be the right book, not one that I have planned weeks in advance. if I do that, the likelihood of me actually picking up to read goes down astronomically. but I am proud to say that I read a lot this year, even if my goodreads challenge doesn't reflect that. I failed at goodreads this year. gonna do better in 2017.

me @ myself in the future

these are my top five favourite books I read this year!

this savage song, by v.e. schwab
trouble makes a comeback, by stephanie trombly
a silent voice, by yoshitoka ooima
unspoken, by sarah rees brennan
saint anything, by sarah dessen
an ember in the ashes, by sabaa tahir

television shows:

hoooooooo boy. last year, one of my resolutions was to watch less tv. I mean, I probably did a lot more than I did last year, because I mainly just layed on the couch and watched anime, but this year...well, I worked out and watched anime. or I blogged and watched the 100. or I did homework and watched the X-files. so basically, I just got really good at multi-tasking. *shrugs* this is probably because of the fact that I was an online student. being busy in the day will change everything next year, I have a feeling.

goodbye, my old friend. it's been a good run, filled with procrastination and late nights

my favourite tv shows I watched in 2016!! (more than just five because I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS LIKE THAT!!) you can also click on some of these titles to see my favourite fmvs or amvs. ^.^

bones
the x-files
cleverman
the 100
the get down
gotham
daredevil
hello monster
signal

I just want to thank you all for following this blog over the past year, throughout the ups and the downs. having people read my weird thoughts is still a strange concept to me, but it also makes me happy and keeps me going. there were a few times where I completely considered deleting this blog, but every time, I remembered the wonderful connections I've made through this platform and the love that I have for my audience--as well as the love that I have received from y'all. thank you for that. it keeps me focused and makes me want to write more. you all are the best.


so how was your 2016? do you have a favourite moment of this year, and did it pass quickly/slowly for you too? I want to know all about it!

happy new year! love you all!


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